Battle Scars

Just wanted to give you an update on how the pole dancing is going, since classes are pretty much the highlight of my weekdays. I’ve missed doing gymnastics so much since I finished high school, and this is the closest thing I’ve found to gymnastics that grown ups can do (I know this implies that I’m a grown up, which may or may not be accurate – still trying to figure that out).

I’ve gone for 4 weeks now, and each class seems to have a different theme.

Week 1: This is so much fun! Followed by 5 days of being unable to move most parts of my body. Each shower was a struggle to raise my arms high enough to be able to shampoo my hair.

Week 2: The sweaty class. I don’t know if it was extra humid that day, or what, but I was sweating, like A LOT. I always sweat a lot, but this was bad. You may not realize, but sweating while pole dancing is really inconvenient. The whole idea is to stay on the pole, obviously, but this is hard to do when your hands, or your legs or whatever is supposed to hold you up is covered in sweat. And you just end up squeaking down the pole to land at the bottom in a pool of your own sweat. My instructor kept telling me “You’re just the kind of girl that sweats a lot when she exercises, so make sure to keep wiping alcohol on the pole and putting chalk on your hands and legs.” The problem was he would say that literally right after I had just done that, and I was already sweaty again. Finally, he tried to be all casual and be like “Are you girls warm…is it warm in here?” after which he got out a fan and pointed it directly at me. Kind of embarrassing, but it helped! After that I was worried that I was going to be the nasty sweaty girl in class, but I think it must have been the weather that day, because it hasn’t been that bad since. Now I’m just the sweatier-than-most-but-not-in-a-completely-disgusting-way girl in class. And I can handle that.

Week 3: The theme of this class was “how many times can I smack my head and various other body parts against this metal pole?” The answer is a lot. And with quite a bit of force, as well. The entire class was filled with Chris Farley’s voice in my head going “That’s gonna leave a mark.” At the end the instructor was telling us that one of the most important things was to be able to control your movements so that you don’t end up smacking the pole, at which point all heads in the room turned to me in perfect synchronization, while I grinned guiltily.

2014-11-07 22.33.10

Hard to see, but I got a couple of nasty bruises from bashing myself last week, that are just starting to fade.

Week 4: This time, bruises weren’t enough. I wanted to see how many layers of skin I could tear off my body. I got this nice little bruise and pole burn tonight doing the “Jesus Christ” (yes, there’s a pole dancing move called the Jesus Christ – I’m sorry if it offends you, but I didn’t name it). You jump up and wrap your legs around the pole above you, then let go and hold out your arms, so you look like you’re being crucified upside down, which if my vague memories of Bible stories are right, that should be named for one of the other guys, but let’s not nitpick. In the Jesus Christ pose, we were supposed to smoothly slide down the pole until we got to the bottom, and could roll over and gracefully end with a nice mujer fatal pose. The smoothly sliding down part ended up taking a few layers off my feet skin. Just a few more bruises and burns to add to last weeks! Also, there was this little girl who was probably 9 or 10, totally showing up everyone in the class. Well guess what little girl, if I weighed 80 pounds, I could probably flip around that pole like it was nothing too! Show off. 😉


That’s my bruise from class just a few hours ago. Sorry about my nasty toe blister.


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